The Retired Guys

November 30, 2017

So, I’m still not on board with tattoos and body piercings. I was hopin’ that writin’ about it might help me to better understand the concept of body mutilation and tattoos. But now I’ve run into another confusin’ roadblock in what has become another new fashion trend. That is deconstructed clothin’. That’s right. That’s the term used to describe this latest fashion trend that makes pants look like an angry raptor was on the loose in a pants factory. Why bother wearin’ pants? For what little material is left on these pants, it seems as though wearin’ shorts might be a better option. And believe it or not, these shredded pants actually cost more than normal pants. Go figure.

Did you know some cities will soon be ticketin’ people who are textin’ while walkin’? I wished I was makin’ this up but I’m not. Supposedly these cities, I don’t know which ones, have decided that too many people are getting’ killed or injured because they don’t pay attention to their surroundin’s. So before they step out onto a busy street or fall into a construction hole they may be fined $35. Of course it’s supposed to be against the law to text and drive, yet a day doesn’t go by that I don’t see someone drivin’ and textin”.

So who’s goin’ to enforce this new law? What, more cops on bicycles, mopeds or horses? Seems like it’s going to be a bit hard to enforce. I can already hear the excuses. “But officer, my car just broke down and I’m talkin’ to an Urber driver so I can get a ride home.” Or, “But officer, I’m bookin’ a flight to Hawaii and I’m tryin’ to upgrade my seat to 1st class.” How much leniency will be allowed? I wonder if these police departments will have to hire outside help. Maybe civilians? Maybe retired Captain I’s? Hey, maybe I’ll submit a resume. I think I would have all the qualifications. Heck, I was a secretary for a Captain II for a number of years. You know, doin’ the daily hirin’, timekeepin’ and makin’ sure the Captain II stayed in a good mood. Well, maybe I wasn’t so perfect at the “good mood” thing, but two out of three ain’t bad!

No, no, don’t get me wrong, I’m not complainin’, I just think the secretarial traits I acquired will pay dividends if I decide to walk amongst the workin’ crowd.

So, the other day I made the mistake of goin’ to Walmart with my wife. After fillin’ up our shoppin’ cart I headed for the self-checkout. Things were goin’ well until my wife noticed a mistake with the receipt. I guess my scannin’ skills are a bit rusty because I managed to charge myself for three items when it should have been only two. So I had to proceed to the “Return Item” line to get a refund.

Have you ever had to stand in the “Return Item” line at Walmart? I had two interestin’ things happen to me. I celebrated a birthday while waitin’ in line and second, I scratched another achievement off my bucket list.


The family of retired Fireman Frank Stubenrauch ordered up a Roseville, CA engine company to help celebrate Frank’s 91st birthday

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